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Absolutely, Positively, Undeniably
by John Michael Ray

Nobody's writing songs about
Jack Daniels anymore
No waking up beside a stranger
Or sprawled out on the floor
Ain't no tales of passing out
About losing their memory
But, after what I found out tonight
You'll be getting one from me

I'm smoking whiskey, drinking cigarettes
Until my eyes turn red
Those aren't tear drops that you see
I'm angry as hell instead
I just found out that girl of mine
Has been shaking it with other men
They've stretched her out so damn bad
I need a board to keep from falling in

I know you think I'm not so nice
And showing very little tact
That's really something coming from you
Missus mattress strapped to your back
I ain't too fond of you right now
In fact, I really hate your guts
And I never did like the way you gave
Head! And slobbered on my nuts

Nobody's writing songs about
Jack Daniels anymore
No waking up beside a stranger
Or sprawled out on the floor
Ain't no tales of passing out
About losing their memory
But, after what I found out tonight
You'll be getting one from me

I really didn't have much of a clue
I was a bit naive you see
About the only thing that tipped me off
Was the burning I had going pee
I went to see my family doc
He said, "Son, I think you're being silly"
I said, "Doc, then how do you explain?"
"All the pus that's oozing from my willy?"

I'm still smoking more whiskey, drinking more cigarettes
My eyes are getting redder than hell
I just can't believe I bought your bill of goods
I guess I didn't know you that well
There's only one thing left to do
Kick your sorry ass right out of the door
Cause you're positively, absolutely, undeniably
A no good, dirty, rotten whore

Positively, absolutely, undeniably
A no good, dirty, rotten whore

Nobody's writing songs about
Jack Daniels anymore
No waking up beside a stranger
Or sprawled out on the floor
Ain't no tales of passing out
About losing their memory
But, after what I found out tonight
You'll be getting one from me


John Michael Ray ©2008 All Rights Reserved